11 "Don't-Tell-the-Wife" Secrets All Men Keep

I was in the ninth grade when I learned a vital lesson about love. My girlfriend at the time, Amy, was stunningly cute, frighteningly smart and armed with a seemingly endless supply of form-fitting angora sweaters. And me? Let's just say I was an adolescent Chris Robinson to her budding Kate Hudson -- and well aware of my good fortune.

Then one day, as we stood in line for a movie at the mall, Simone Shaw, junior high prom queen, sauntered by. Suddenly Amy turned to me. "Were you looking at her?" she asked. "Do you think she's pretty?"

My mind reeled. Of course I was looking at her! Of course she was pretty! My God, she was Simone Shaw! I paused for a second, then decided to play it straight.

"Well, yeah," I chortled.

Five days later our breakup hit the tabloids (a.k.a. the lunchroom).

There comes a time in every man's life when he discovers the value of hiding the grosser parts of his nature. He starts reciting the sweet nothings you long to hear: "No, honey, I play golf for the exercise." "No, honey, I think you're a great driver." "No, honey, I wasn't looking at that coed washing the car in the rain."

We're not lying, exactly. We're just making things...easier. But Glenn Good, Ph.D., a relationship counselor, disagrees, and maybe he has a point. "These white lies are pretty innocent, but they can turn confusing," he says. "Many women think, If he's lying about himself, is he also lying about something else? Is he having an affair? To establish trust you have to tell the truth about the innocuous stuff."

And so, in the interest of uniting the sexes, we've scoured the country for guys willing to share the private truths they wouldn't normally confess. Some are a bit crass. Some you've always suspected. Some are surprisingly sweet. (Guys don't like to reveal the mushy stuff, either.) But read on, and you may discover that the truth about men isn't all that ugly.

Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you

If the oldest question in history is "What's for dinner?" the second oldest is "Were you looking at her?" The answer: Yes -- yes, we were. If you're sure your man doesn't look, it only means he possesses acute peripheral vision.

"When a woman walks by, even if I'm with my girlfriend, my vision picks it up," says Doug LaFlamme, 28, of Laguna Hills, California. "I fight the urge to look, but I just have to. I'm really in trouble if the woman walking by has a low-cut top on."

Granted, we men are well aware that our sizing up the produce doesn't sit well with you, given that we've already gone through the checkout line together. But our passing glances pose no threat.

"It's not that I want to make a move on her," says LaFlamme. "Looking at other women is like a radar that just won't turn off."

Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you

More than 21 million American men play at least one round of golf a year; of those, an astounding 75 percent regularly shoot worse than 90 strokes a round. In other words, they stink. The point is this: "Going golfing" is not really about golf. It's about you, the house, the kids -- and the absence thereof.

"I certainly don't play because I find it relaxing and enjoyable," admits Roland Buckingham, 32, of Lewes, Delaware, whose usual golf score of 105 is a far-from-soothing figure. "As a matter of fact, sometimes by the fourth hole I wish I were back at the house with the kids screaming. But any time I leave the house and don't invite my wife or kids -- whether it's for golf or bowling or picking up roadkill -- I'm just getting away."

Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you

This is a dicey one, so first things first: We love you to death. We think you're fantastic. Most of the time we're absolutely thrilled that we've made a lifelong vow of fidelity to you in front of our families, our friends and an expensive videographer.

But most of us didn't spend our formative years thinking, "Gosh, I just can't wait to settle down with a nice girl so we can grow old together." Instead we were obsessed with how many women who resembled Britney Spears we could have sex with before we turned 30. Generally it takes us a few years (or decades) to fully perish that thought.

Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important

In more than 7.4 million U.S. marriages, the wife earns more than the husband -- almost double the number in 1981. This of course is a terrific development for women in the workplace and warmly embraced by all American men, right? Right?

Yeah, well, that's what we tell you. But we're shallow, competitive egomaniacs. You don't think it gets under our skin if our woman's bringing home more bacon than we are -- and frying it up in a pan?

"My wife and I are both reporters at the same newspaper," says Jeffrey Newton, 33, of Fayetteville, South Carolina. "Five years into our marriage I still check her pay stub to see how much more an hour I make than she does. And because she works harder, she keeps closing the gap."

Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house

I risk being shunned at the local bar if this magazine finds its way there, because few charades are as beloved by guys as this one. To hear us talk, the Bataan Death March beats grouting that bathroom shower. And, as 30-year-old Ed Powers of Chicago admits, it's a shameless lie. "In truth, it's rewarding to tinker with and fix something that, without us, would remain broken forever," he says. Plus we get to use tools.

"The reason we don't share this information," Powers adds, "is that most women don't differentiate between taking out the trash and fixing that broken hinge; to them, both are tasks we need to get done over the weekend, preferably during the Bears game. But we want the use-your-hands, think-about-the-steps-in-the-process, home-repair opportunity, not the repetitive, no-possibility-of-a-compliment, mind-dulling, purely physical task." There. Secret's out.

Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother

With apologies to Sigmund Freud, Gloria Steinem -- and my mother-in-law.

Secret #7: Every year we love you more

Sure, we look like adults. We own a few suits. We can probably order wine without giggling. But although we resemble our father when he was our age, we still feel like that 4-year-old clutching his pant leg.

With that much room left on our emotional-growth charts, we sense we've only begun to admire you in the ways we will when we're 40, 50 and -- God forbid -- 60. We can't explain this to you, because it would probably come out sounding like we don't love you now.

"It took at least a year before I really started to appreciate my wife for something other than just great sex; and I didn't discover her mind fully until the third year we were married," says Newton. "But the older and wiser I get, the more I love my wife." Adds J.P. Neal, 32, of Potomac, Maryland: "The for-richer-or-poorer, for-better-or-worse aspects of marriage don't hit you right away. It's only during those rare times when we take stock of our life that it starts to sink in."

Secret #8: We don't really understand what you're talking about

You know how, during the day, you sometimes think about certain deep, complex "issues" in your relationship? Then when you get home, you want to "discuss" these issues? And during these "discussions," your man sits there nodding and saying things like "Sure, I understand," "That makes perfect sense" and "I'll do better next time"?

Well, we don't understand. It doesn't make any sense to us at all. And although we'd like to do better next time, we could only do so if, in fact, we had an idea of what you're talking about.

We do care. Just be aware that the part of our brain that processes this stuff is where we store sports trivia.

Secret #9: We are terrified when you drive

Want to know how to reduce your big, tough guy to a quivering mass of fear? Ask him for the car keys.

"I am scared to death when she drives," says LaFlamme.

"Every time I ride with her, I fully accept that I may die at any moment," says Buckingham.

"My wife has about one 'car panic' story a week -- and it's never her fault. All these horrible things just keep happening -- it must be her bad luck," says Andy Beshuk, 31, of Jefferson City, Missouri.

Even if your man is too diplomatic to tell you, he is terrified that you will turn him into a crash-test dummy.

Secret #10: We'll always wish we were 25 again

Granted, when I was 25 I was working 16-hour days and eating shrimp-flavored Ramen noodles six times a week. But as much as we love being with you now, we will always look back fondly on the malnourished freedom of our misguided youth. "Springsteen concerts, the '91 Mets, the Clinton presidency -- most guys reminisce about the days when life was good, easy and free of responsibility," says Rob Aronson, 41, of Livingston, New Jersey, who's been married for 11 years. "At 25 you can get away with things you just can't get away with at 40."

While it doesn't mean we're leaving you to join a rock band, it does explain why we occasionally come home from Pep Boys with a leather steering-wheel cover and a Born to Run CD.

Secret #11: Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime

I was on a trip to Mexico, standing on a beach, waxing my surfboard and admiring the glistening 10-foot waves, when I decided to marry the woman who is now my wife. Sure, this was three years before I got around to popping the question. But that was when I knew.

Why? Because she'd let me go on vacation alone. Hell, she made me go. This is the most important thing a man never told you: If you let us be dumb guys, if you embrace our stupid poker night, if you encourage us to go surfing -- by ourselves -- our silly little hearts, with their manly warts and all, will embrace you forever for it.
And that's the truth.


15 tips to leave women dazed and amazed in the bedroom

Menshealth has a great list of how to leave women dazed and amazed in the bedroom.

"When I'm about to climax during oral sex, my husband flicks his tongue really fast along the length of my clitoris. A few seconds of that, and walls shake."
Why it works: Most men think of the clitoris as just that little bud under the hood, but it actually extends deep inside a woman's body, explains Paget. When you flick your tongue quickly along its shaft, you're not only covering more territory, you're also creating vibrations that help carry your stimulation beyond the tongue's reach.
How to do it: The key here is to make sure that the clitoral hood is out of the way. Don't be afraid to pull it back gently and then make quick, darting motions with your tongue as far down along the tiny shaft as your tongue can go.

"I love it when my man makes circles around my breasts with his finger or tongue before coming in for a nipple landing."
Why it works: Like the ripples that circle out when you throw a rock into a pond, concentric zones of sensitivity radiate outward from a woman's hot spots. "The area surrounding erogenous zones such as the nipples tends to be highly sensitive, too," says Linda DeVillers, Ph.D., a California psychologist and author of LoveSkills.
How to do it: Begin right at the point where her breast starts to rise from her chest, and spiral slowly inward with your fingertips until you reach the nipple. Once you hit the bull's-eye, suck and gently bite. To really tease her, try circling in until you just brush her nipple, then pulling back out for another tantalizing spin.

"All of a sudden, without warning, my guy stops midthrust. Then he goes super slow, entering me inch by inch for a few minutes. It sets me off like nothing else!"
Why it works: The key to keeping her aroused is to keep her guessing. Predictability really takes away from pleasure -- not to mention that, in the beginning, too much of the same sensation makes a woman go numb, says Paget. But don't worry, you don't have to do anything fancy to jumpstart her sensation; just stop. "Stopping and restarting a touch or a thrust builds on the previous sensation, and it lets you skip up a few rungs on the pleasure ladder," says Paget.
How to do it: Pick a thrust and stop -- you can be inside or halfway out or just have the head of your penis touching her vaginal lips. Catch her eye, pause for a few seconds, and start again. For maximum effect, resume thrusting in slow motion and build back up to speed gradually.

"Before we make love, my husband often stands in front of me after I've undressed and holds his fingertips right above my skin. He moves his hands all the way up and down my body. The sensation is unreal."
Why it works: Positive anticipation is a huge part of what turns women on, says Michael Seiler, Ph.D., sex therapist and director of the Phoenix Institute in Chicago. By levitating your fingers above the skin so they brush those fine body hairs, you're creating a delightful shiver up her spine -- and making her feel as though you appreciate every inch of her body.
How to do it: Help her undress (another anticipation stoker); once she's naked, take her hand and stand facing her. Brush her hair back and let your fingertips hover over the surface of her skin. You're where you should be if the fat part of your fingerpad is touching her skin ever so slightly. Now go ahead and run your pads over her arms, breasts, belly, and thighs.

"I love it when my boyfriend hums while giving me oral sex. And when he follows it up with very light finger taps, I detonate."
Why it works: There's a reason vibrators are so popular: Anything that shakes, rattles, or rolls primes a passel of nerves for peak sensation. "Any time you touch the skin with something vibrating, you transmit sensation to a wider area than you would through simple stroking," says Paget. So you're activating twice the nerves with half the work. "Top it off with a direct touch at the right time and to just the right place -- in this case the clitoris -- and you'll probably send her over the edge."
How to do it: Relax your lips (think Mick Jagger) and hum a tune (think "Brown Sugar"). Bring the outermost portion of your kisser in contact with the outside of her clitoris (the hood that covers the little nub) and her vaginal lips. Move your mouth around her clitoris -- very slowly. When she can't take any more, tap gently and in a circular motion with your fingertip on the swollen nub of the clitoris; or give it a few long, languid licks, staying in contact the whole time.

"As he's thrusting, my guy presses hard with his hand right below my belly button. I have the most incredible orgasms."
Why it works: On the belly-side wall of her vaginal canal lurks a quarter-size zone of pleasure known as the G-spot. The reason many women don't think they have one of these secret pleasure buttons is that the G-spot responds only to firm pressure -- and that may not occur during intercourse, explains John D. Perry, Ph.D., a sex therapist. But pressing on her G-spot from the outside while you're thrusting inside can bring her pleasure place into fuller contact with your penis and trigger mind-blowing orgasms.
How to do it: Since the exact location of the G-spot varies from woman to woman, you'll have to play it by feel. Start by gently pressing the heel of your hand into her belly button as you're thrusting. When she screams with pleasure, you'll know you've hit the target.

"My boyfriend has this amazing thing he does on my nipples, private parts, and neck: He licks a small area and then blows on the wet patch. It creates these sexy tingles down my spine."
Why it works: Remember blowing on soup to cool it off? The same principle governs the evaporation of liquid on skin: Blow it and it cools. Couple the cooling trick with a warm lick, and you've got a contrast that'll make her head spin. "The further apart two sensations are on a spectrum of feeling -- hot/cold or hard/soft -- the more intense they'll feel done in succession," says Paget.
How to do it: Creating a wet spot with water is good, but wetting with alcohol is better. Since alcohol evaporates more quickly than water, it creates a cooler effect when you blow. So bring that glass of wine into the bedroom. Swish some around in your mouth and lick a choice spot. (Try her breasts first.) Then blow gently, give it a second, and take a long, slow lick. Repeat as necessary.

"I love it when my man lightly bites my nipples while touching me down below. There's something about the combination that drives me crazy with pleasure."
Why it works: Although the government hasn't yet ponied up cash for a study of this phenomenon, women and the sex experts who study them know there's often a direct sensory connection between the nipple and the pleasure nub. "For many women, lightly biting or tweaking the nipples produces a tingle in their genitals, especially the clitoris," says Paget.
How to do it: The easiest approach is to lie side by side and bite her nipple while touching her down below. Don't be surprised if she drapes a leg over your side -- that just means she wants you to go deeper.

"One night my husband and I were fooling around on the La-Z-Boy and he pulled up a footstool and knelt as I lay on the chair. Then he used the rocking of the recliner to help him thrust. Something about the back-and-forth motion heightened every sensation."
Why it works: Adding something unpredictable, such as a rocking motion, can be highly erotic. "Surprise is almost always sexy -- it's almost as though the rocking adds a fourth dimension to the experience," says Louanne Cole Weston, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Sacramento, California. Also, any position in which your lower than she is ups your chances of hitting her G-spot by helping to angle your penis toward her front (belly-side) vaginal wall.
How to do it: Choose a recliner or rocking chair that's comfortable for her and a footstool or low table that puts you at the right thrusting height.

"When we're in the missionary position, my husband gets up high so his hips are above mine and enters me at a downward angle very, very slowly. Often he pauses midthrust, and I have the most over-the-top orgasms."
Why it works: During typical thrusting, a woman's clitoris generally gets neglected. But when a man positions his hips above his partner's, he can thrust in such a way that his penile shaft remains in direct contact with her clitoris.
How to do it: From the standard missionary position, just push yourself forward with the balls of your feet and your toes so you're "riding high." (Your hipbones should be at least an inch above hers.) Then enter and start thrusting very slowly.

"When my husband gives me oral sex, he also enlists his finger to provide firm pressure deep inside. The combination feels unbelievably good."
Why it works: Although it seems logical that the clitoris and the vagina would be hooked up on the same nerve network, they actually activate separate pleasure frequencies. That's why touching inside your partner's vagina with the fingers of one hand and her clitoris with the fingers of the other hand doubles the amount of pleasure she feels, says Paget. Bonus: Many women like to feel "filled up" when they reach orgasm (having something to contract the vaginal muscles around increases sensation), so two fingers inside can make all the difference when she climaxes.
How to do it: Start by touching or licking her clitoris. Once she's stimulated, put a finger in her vagina and give her a few firm strokes. When she's about to climax, add a second finger to give her more to flex against.

"I was with this guy who would pucker up his lips and seal them around my nipple. Then he'd alternately inhale and create a vacuum and exhale to put pressure on my breast. It was the most amazing feeling."
Why it works: Just as alternating between hot and cold can heighten the effect of each, so can switching between pulling and pushing. "Pushing and pulling activate separate sets of nerves, so combining the two effectively doubles the pleasure she feels," Paget says.
How to do it: The key here is to be gentle -- at least at first. Once you've taken a few spins, pucker up your lips and apply them so you create a gentle seal around her nipple. Then take in air from your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Now suck in through your mouth.
Repeat, and keep increasing the intensity.

"My boyfriend puts me in orbit when he gives me oral sex. It's not his technique per se, or some quirky aspect of his tongue that has me mesmerized -- it's the way he seems to savor every minute of it."
Why it works: One of a woman's greatest fears is that she smells or tastes bad below the belt. Allay that fear, and everything else you do will be golden. "When we know he's totally into it, that alone takes us to another level of pleasure," says Paget.
How to do it: Catch her eye in the midst of the action, moan, or simply tell her how much you're loving what you're doing.

"My boyfriend turned me crosswise on the bed the other night so that my head fell over the edge. I thought he was nuts -- until I had my biggest orgasm ever."
Why it works: Any time you turn your head upside down, you'll feel a rush as blood pours in and oxygen is depleted. "And this head rush, combined with physical pleasure, can heighten orgasm for some women," says Seiler.
How to do it: Have her lie on her back across the bed, with her head and shoulders dangling over the edge. (Make sure she keeps as much of her lower back on the mattress as possible, and stop if she gets too light-headed.) Enter her slowly, and show some restraint when you thrust -- you don't want to knock her onto the floor.

"My man puts a pillow under my butt before we get going in the missionary position. It tips me in such a way that every thrust feels a million times better and I climax very quickly."
Why it works: When it comes to thrusting, angle is everything -- when your penis slides in at just the right slant, it tickles her clitoris and makes solid contact with her G-spot. Since the G-spot is on the front (belly-side) wall of her vagina, anything that tips her pelvis back makes that hot-spot contact more likely. That same pelvic tilt also raises the clitoris, putting it in a better position to come in contact with your penile shaft.
How to do it: As you're moving into the missionary position, slide one pillow (start with a fairly flat one0 underneath your partner, right where her lower back meets her butt. Let her fiddle with it until she's comfortable, then thrust as usual. Don't be surprised if your efforts produce more pleasure than you bargained for.

Top Ten Most Humiliating Ways In Bed To Avoid

10. Farting
This bodily function occurs during romantic, familiar sex. Let’s face it – you usually aren’t relaxed enough during sex with someone new to let one rip. If you fart audibly during intercourse, try masking your blunder with loud dirty talk. Ladies, if you squeeze one out while he’s going down on you, just grin and bear it. A quick “sorry” might be in order if it’s a stinker. Men, farting is slightly more socially acceptable for you. Just remember that Brodie got dumped for it in “Mallrats.” Then again, he was dating scary Shannen Doherty, so maybe letting one loose can work in a guy’s favor.

9. Nether-fros
You weren’t planning on having sex tonight and Cabo isn’t ’til next month. Scrimping on waxing or trimming during winter? We all do. But if your bush obscures your partner’s head when he or she gives you head, forgo the oral sex or you’ll risk swallowing your own pubes during that post-coital kiss. Yummy.

8. Botched deep-throats
Girls: Remember that chick in the cafeteria who used to shove an entire banana down her throat to impress dudes? You’re not her. Handle your man’s schlong like a tropical fruit and the only release of bodily fluid is going to be you vomiting on his penis. Remember, you have a gag reflex for a reason! Guys: It feels unreal to be deep-throated, but have you ever maintained an erection after being puked on? Listen for choking noises and respond accordingly.

7. Anal explosions
Some asshole I know got pooped on during anal and he told his entire fraternity. The offender was thus deprived of sex, anal and otherwise, for the remainder of her college career. The lesson here? Always prepare for butt sex. Taking a poo and then aggressively wiping yourself beforehand is a must for women. Guys: don’t act all scandalized if your dick comes out of her ass looking like a Jello Pudding Pop. Yes, your girlfriend is pretty, but she doesn’t shit strawberries and glitter.

6. “Breaking” the penis
The girl’s on top and she comes down on the guy in a passionate, long thrust. The guy groans loudly. Did he come already? she wonders. Suddenly, he throws her off of him, curls into a fetal position and whimpers. She’s “broken” his penis. Rule of thumb: the guy should always hold the girl’s waist if she’s on top to help control the angle of thrusting.

5. UTIs
After a night of nookie, you fall blissfully asleep in each other’s arms, not caring to brush your teeth, wash your face or pee. You’re planning on spending the following day together, when she wakes up at 5 a.m. with a strong urge to urinate. She then flees the apartment. Guys: Stop pretending to like cuddling. Get up after sex and do something in the bathroom so she doesn’t feel like if she gets up to pee, she’ll be missing out on a spoon-fest. Girls: Respect your poon – pish after sex.

4. Spitting ungracefully
Fellatio should end neatly. Ladies, either swallow the love juice or slurp all of it into your mouth before swooping into the bathroom to spit. Do not drool his come all over his penis. Only men are allowed to drool when giving oral sex, and that’s because they don’t know any better.

3. Sex with Aunt Flo
She’s not supposed to visit for two more days, you’re in the middle of foreplay, and suddenly his hands are a little bloody. Fuck! If you’ve been dating awhile, this isn’t a deal breaker. If you haven’t been dating awhile, you sure as hell aren’t going to start now. Girls, know your schedule. Guys, it’s Mother Nature – deal with it.

2. The queef
This unpleasantry is defined as the act of farting through the vagina. Queefing usually occurs during hard thrusting, when air gets caught in the coochie. Girls can pass off the noise as a compliment: “You were doing me so hard, I couldn’t contain myself.” Guys, if this happens, best not to say anything. Make fun of her and it’ll guarantee you won’t be coming – or coming back for more.

1. Why is my eye swollen?
Some men prefer to come on women as opposed to in women. But sometimes he doesn’t just want to come on her tits or ass. Sometimes he likes to ejaculate on her face. Sometimes he misses. And sometimes her eye is swollen for the next 48 hours.




1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, refer to #3.


Is Your Relationship Stuck In Ego?

Here is some modern love relationship advice very similiar to the Sufi love relationship advice.
As you already know relationships are friend and foe to our happiness.

A couples journey from first date to "life after the vows" have unique challenges along the way.

Understanding the challenges that all couples face might give you an insight into your own relationships.

Dr. Susan Campbell offers more love relationship advice.

She suggest a new way to look at a couples journey through 5 distinct relationship stages
  1. Romance
  2. Power Struggle
  3. Stability
  4. Commitment
  5. Co-Creation
She explains that in the first stage each partner secretly feels that the relationship exists for their pleasure and comfort, but in order to have the pleasures they must keep the other partner happy.
The outcome of this is that a 'mutual admiration society" develops which emphasizes similarities and ignores differences between the partners.
If the couple survives the first stage their relationship the next stage is a reality check in where partners are forced to see each other as life size lovers.
They no longer exaggerate the good "stuff" and acknowledge the short comings and differences.
The power struggle stage is described where couples may try to adjust to this new reality by dominating or changing each other. This is always a futile effort.
The good news is that couples may learn to accept and celebrate their differences.
Dr. Campbell states that most couples do not make it past this stage.
It is what I call the law of reverse effect. You act one way and achieve to opposite result.
Have you noticed that the more you try to control people or events in your life, the less in control you feel?

But when you accept and relax into a moment, and pay attention to the moment for what it is rather than what you want it to be, things seem to just work themselves out?

The question is how does one do this?

The simple answers is to make a shift from a control to a discovery mindset.

Dr. Campbell describes the Learning/Discovery mindset as the ability to live in a continual state of openness to being surprised and a continual state of acceptance of "what is."

When you are focused on learning, as opposed to controlling, your attention naturally goes toward discovering what the current situation requires of you.

You do not waste valuable time and energy wishing things were:
  • Different
  • Assigning blame
  • Trying to be right
  • Manipulating people
You maintain your sense of well-being, regardless of whether things turn out as planned.
You accept, learn and try again from your experiences. In experiential education we call it the learning cycle - in life it is called personal development.
Anthropologist have suggest that a greater drive than sex in humans is to learn.
The Learning/Discovery Mindset is a key to a successful happy life and the foundation of successful relationships.
You develop the capacity to handle any situation you are in - you are continually failing forward no matter what happens.
Every person has a way of trying to maintain the illusion of control.
Throughout our lives we have been told there is a right answer. Our teachers marked our school papers to indicate where we went wrong. Our parents told us what is right and wrong.
As adults many women and men do not develop the skills necessary to cope with the uncertainty of the real world. This is very simple love relationship advice but also very effective love relationship advice.
As adults, when we try to have intimate relationships based on control/security and we fail to grow as individuals and as a couple,
We are at risk to chase for that fictitious perfect partner.

For many women getting past stage two: the power struggle stage seems impossible , but with a simple shift in mindset towards accepting, learning and doing you open new doors.

Consider this love relationship advice and how you can use this love relationship advice.

Some people push harder to cope with the failures of a control mindset.

Dr. Campbell offers this love relationship advice insight:

"Some get angry, and others become sneaky. Anything that is done to protect oneself from anxiety or uncertainty generally will backfire on you. You have to learn at some point to deal with whatever happens."
Let's face it most of the things you try to control, are really beyond your control, however there is a way to successfully deal with the reality of constant change.
Embrace uncertainty, accept what happens and learn and improve your world one step at a time... this is the primary message of this love relationship advice.

...and your perfect partner will be waiting for you. And to your suprise what you will found often times is someone who always had right before you.

Only now, with a new way of looking and thinking about the world, lov efinds a home in your heart.


Make Relationships More Fulfilling

How can you Make Relationships More Fulfilling?

Are you searching for a way to make relationships more fulfilling? It doesn’t matter whether you’re thinking about sexual relationships, family matters, your friends or people you don’t even know . . .you can make relationships more fulfilling by simply adopting the right mindset and living your life to the full.

So many people don’t live their lives to the full extent and seem to be consumed with fear because they face the prospect of being hurt.

One saying that rings true in all aspects of life and especially powerful in relationships of all kinds is . . .
“A life lived in fear is a life half-lived”

Steve Pavlina in a great recent post illustrated this viewpoint excellently. He puts forward that the key to fulfilling relationships is to have empowered relationships without an ounce of fear.

Here’s what he has to share.
The mindset of empowered relationships
by Steve Pavlina
So what is the mindset that makes it so much easier to relate to people? Here it is in a nutshell:
Everyone you meet in your life — even total strangers — is already intimately connected to you. The idea that we are all separate and distinct beings is nothing but an illusion. We are all parts of a larger whole, like individual cells in a body.

Moreover, everyone and everything you see out there in your world are reflections of you. Just as the cells in an organism carry the same DNA, other people are walking around with some part of you inside them. When you look at other people, you’re really looking at yourself. When you notice other people, it’s just like your eyes observing your hands. We’re all parts of the same whole.

Here are some facets of this interconnected model of relationships:
* Oneness - Other people are not separate and distinct from you. In fact, they are you.
* Connectedness - You don’t have to “build” relationships with others because you’re already connected. You need only tune into the pre-existing connection that’s already there.
* No risk - Little or no courage is required to approach strangers. You’re never actually building new connections from scratch. You’re just recognizing what’s already there.
* Equality - You can feel just as close to total strangers as you do to your friends.
* Significance - All relationships are significant; none are irrelevant. Even the strangers you pass on the street are important parts of you.
* Love without attachment - Letting go of harmful relationships is easier because you’re still unconditionally connected to everyone else. As you release old relationships that no longer serve you, you’ll attract new ones that are compatible with you.

Applying the empowering mindset
When you adopt the mindset that we’re all inherently connected, these are some of the actions and results that will come naturally to you:

* Easy rapport - You’ll connect with strangers almost as easily as you connect with your closest friends, sometimes more easily. The difference between strangers and friends is intellectual familiarity, but you can tap into an intuitive familiarity even with someone you’ve never met.
* Fairness - You’ll begin to feel a kinship with everyone, regardless of familiarity.
* Attraction - Because you’re always open to connecting with people, you’ll begin attracting new relationships fairly easily. Compatible people will be drawn to you.
* Synchronicity - You’ll experience a swell in synchronicities that lead to chance encounters, meeting people you feel very drawn to meet.
* Social courage - Have you ever seen someone at a distance you felt you were supposed to meet? Have you ever run into the same stranger multiple times in the same day? With the right belief system, you’ll feel confident beginning a conversation with such people, and you’ll find that your hunches were right on — you were supposed to meet.
* Deeper relationships - You’ll enjoy deeper, less superficial relationships, getting to know people at the level of soul.
* Energy - You’ll attract relationships that energize you rather than drain you.
* Reading people - Because we’re all connected, you can mentally connect with other people and literally share the same thoughts in a way that goes beyond words, voice, and body language. You can even do it at a distance. With practice you can get an accurate read on someone you’ve never met, picking up specific data about that person that you couldn’t have known in a purely objective sense. Practice increases both your accuracy and your ability to trust the information you pick up.

These benefits aren’t either-or. You gradually gain them as your awareness of our spiritual interconnectedness grows.

Why not follow the advice of Mark Twain and:

"Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth."


Great Sex in the Great Outdoors

Car outdoor sexOnce you’ve experimented with the sex in various exiting places in your home, it’s time to move out to experiment.

Sex in the Car
One of the most popular places to have sex outside the four walls is the car. As a kid in high school, you may have had this experience already, but it’s a good way to put some zing into your love life even at a later stage.

Most prefer the backseat to the front. Sex in a car is supposed to be restricted and tricky. So the car that you choose is naturally important. The proposal is to find a car sufficiently big, but not too big. SUV’s will not do because they are too comfortable, a lot like a couch.

Now, where to park the car? You want to find a spot that's private, but not too private. Sex in a car is exhilarating because you are in public and someone might see. You do have the option of driving out to a nearby forest where you are visible to no body but that’s no fun, is it? It’s better to find a place like a park or a parking area where cars are passing through. At night no one can really see what's going on while whizzing past in a car. One thing you must be careful about is to watch out for the police who are on the prowl. A good idea is to keep your clothes on if you don’t want to be arrested for indecent exposure. Another skill you need to develop while having car sex is to ‘up and move’ the moment anyone comes close. So you have to make sure that your antenna is up for an unexpected presence.

Another advantage of car sex is that while cruising around in a car is that if you come across a lonely spot, quickly jump out and ‘do it’!

Public Loos
Imagine this: You and your partner go to a hi-fly restaurant and, halfway through dinner, maybe just after a couple of glasses of wine and starters, quickly go to the restroom and have it off! Five star hotels or upmarket restaurants usually have really nice toilets and you can do it either standing up or even on the commode!

It's generally safer for women to enter men's rooms. Just make sure you’re your toilet is locked…..unless, of course, you want your neighbour to take a dekko!

Museums and Libraries
Museums and libraries, especially on hot summer afternoons are pretty deserted. Check out a time when the librarian is likely to be dozing, and then choose a shelf where your favourite author’s works are kept. You’ll probably get some intellectual stimulation too!

The BeachBeach sex couple
The beach provides many chances for outdoor sex. If you are truly adventurous, you can make out under a beach blanket in view of thousands of people….but they don’t know what’s going on, right? For a little more privacy, try wading into the ocean. You get more seclusion the deeper you go. Just make sure that you come out with your swimsuits, though!

Rooftops and Balconies
Rooftops are really fun. You get a view of the city or at least the surrounding area! If you have a balcony, that could be fun too, with the moon shining down on you! If you hear some late night visitors coming, run indoors!

At the Theatre
Remember that while necking in the theatre or movie hall is reasonably easy, theatre sex may not be so. You’ll have to ask the man in the ticket booth as to which is the least popular movie and buy tickets in the last row.

Well, once you’ve started on your sexual sojourns, we guarantee, there will be no looking back and no more boredom. So, get going and enjoy…..

Naughty Ways to Woo your Mate

Send a funny and naughty greeting card or postcard to him/her to flare up the emotions .
Fukkad Naughty Cards


Find An Ideal Beach To Wear Your New Bikini On

Whether in South Dakota or Florida, few will disagree that a vacation to the beach is always a good idea, filled with beauty, relaxation, and fun. But with so many beaches scattered throughout the world, how do you ever decide on which one you should visit? Ranging from white sandy beaches, to rocky beaches, there's sure to be a beach perfect to suit your desires, and with a little research you're sure to find it.

Ideal for swimming and snorkeling because of its clear water and sandy beach, the Polo Beach of Hawaii is a well-loved beach to visit. It has a hot-spot location, South Maui and is it fronted by the luxury beach vacation resort of Fairmont Kea Lani Maui, certain to ensure a delightful stay.

If you would like to walk down the longest stretch of white sand in Jamaica, the Seven Mile Beach of Negril may be what you're looking for. It is on the western tip of Jamaica, near Negril. It is beautiful and perfect for relaxing, as there are coconut palm trees, caves, and seven miles for other visitors to stretch over. So find a good spot under a coconut palm tree and relax.

Tropical paradise is more reachable than you may think. Atlantis Paradise in the Bahamas is known for its tropical climate, making for long romantic walks on the white sandy beaches of the Caribbean. This beach is perfect for beach lovers.

Scuba divers may be drawn to the Great Barrier Reef in the Heron Island beaches in Austria. With over 20 different diving sites, you're sure to witness amazing marine life and simply drift away as you immerse yourself in this surreal water world.

For a break from the soft white sand, consider Reid's Palace Hotel in Madeira. Reid's Palace Hotel has a rocky beach, with sharp, black rocks. While the rocks may be hard, the weather is generally soft and pleasant. If you don't enjoy the rocks, but enjoy the weather, the hotel offers a swimming pool. Simply hang out there and look at all the beautiful sites around you.

Well-known and loved by celebrities, locals, and visitors alike, are the luxuries of Miami beach. Miami offers several restaurants, a string of different parties at local nightclubs, and plenty of sandy beaches. The Tides is a luxurious hotel with an amazing view, and is often stayed at, and recommended by, vacationers.

Relax in Negril. Scuba dive in Austria. Party in Miami. Whether you're looking to snorkel, swim, enjoy the scenery, party, or relax there is a beach perfectly fitted to attend to your intent, and with a little bit of research, you are bound to find it.